Being Tight with a Sibling Can Be a Huge Blessing — They’re Like a Built-in Friend for Life. but If You Have a Toxic Relationship with Your Siblings, You Might Feel Like You’re Stuck with a Frenemy. Just Because Someone Is Related to You Doesn't Automatically Make Them a Positive Part of Your Life. Everyone Wants a Good Relationship with Their Family, but If You Feel Like Crap After Every Interaction, You Might Want to Look out for Some Signs You Have Toxic Siblings. Chances Are, If Your Browser History Includes a Toxic Sibling Quiz, or You’re Often Asking Yourself, “Are These Signs My Sister Is Jealous of Me? ” or “Is My Brother Disappointed in Me? ” the Relationship You Have with Your Sibs Needs Some Attention.
Frequently Asked Questions
They're Manipulative
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They're Overly Critical
Constructive Criticism Coming from a Place of Love Is One Thing, but a Sign Your Sister Is Jealous of You Could Be That She Intentionally Makes You Feel Bad About Yourself, Instead of Dealing with Her Own Feelings. "[It’s Toxic] When Your Sibling Is Highly Judgmental and Overly Critical of You," Says Family Counselor Christene Lozano, Lmft. "You May Often Feel as Though You Can't Do Anything Right Because Your Sibling Will Nitpick and Find 'Flaws' in You."
They Blame Others
With Toxic Siblings, Your Brother or Sister Is Never Wrong. If You Notice Your Sibling Blames Others for Their Own Mistakes or Faults, Is Constantly Deflecting, and Lacks the Self-Awareness Necessary to Take Responsibility for Their Own Actions, Lozano Says There Are Major Red Flags. "They Often Have the Mentality That Nothing Is Their Fault, and Everyone Else Is Wrong," She Adds.
They Never Show Remorse
A Toxic Sibling Never Apologizes, No Matter What They Did or How Much It Hurt You. "When Your Sibling Doesn't Express Remorse, It Ties into the Previous Sign of Blaming Others," Says Lozano, Adding That They Genuinely Don’t Feel “At Fault, ” and So “There Is Nothing to Apologize For."
You're Always Exhausted Around Them
A Long Phone Call with Your Sister or Brother Might Leave You Feeling Beat — All That Hot Gossip and Catching up Can Wear You Out. but If Every Time You Talk to Your Sibling, You’re Left Feeling Like They Took Something Away from You, Be It Your Energy, Your Good Mood, or Your Confidence, That’s a Pretty Good Indicator That They’re Toxic.
They Betray Your Confidence
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They Actively Undermine Your Relationships
If Your Relationships Are Often Tarnished Once You Bring Your Sibling Around, This Likely Isn't a Coincidence. "Out of Jealousy or Competitiveness, Some Siblings Go out of Their Way to Damage Your Connections," Says Whitney. "They Might Tell Your New Boyfriend About the Time You Cheated on Your Boyfriend Back in Middle School. They Might Tell Your Mom the Mean Thing You Said About Her When You Were Frustrated. or They Might Tell Your Old Friend How Much Time You've Been Spending with Another Friend. This Kind of Interference Is Destructive and Mean-Spirited."
They Ignore or Ostracize You
Sometimes, the Toxicity of Your Sibling Is a Bit More Subtle. So Subtle, They Might Not Be Paying Much Attention to You at All. "[Toxic Siblings] Don't Deign to Consider Your Opinions, or They Treat You as If You Have Nothing of Value to Offer," Says Therapist Holly Brown, Mft. "In Some Ways, This Can Be Even More Painful Than Being Criticized Directly, Because It's About a Refusal to Recognize Your Worth. That Can Contribute to Low Self-Esteem and Self-Hatred. ”
They Don’t Allow You to Grow Up
It Might Seem Innocent to Be “Babied” by Your Siblings as an Adult — Especially If You’re the Baby of the Family — but According to Friedman, Healthy Sibling Dynamics Need to Evolve. “As We Reach Adulthood and Meet New Milestones Like Partnering Up, Having Kids, Changing Jobs, Non-Toxic Siblings Will Adjust and Compromise — Even If It Isn’t Easy. ”
They Tease You Just a Little Too Hard
Just Because You’re Siblings Doesn’t Mean You Have to Weather Each Other’s Worst Insults in the Name of “Comedy, ” Friedman Says. “If a Sibling Is Constantly Telling You That You’re Too Sensitive, or That You Can’t Take a Joke, They’re Not Validating Your Feelings, and That’s an Issue. ” While a Little Bit of Silliness Can Be Healthy Between Siblings, If You’re Feeling Hurt by the “Jokes, ” It’s a Sign Your Sibling Is Undervaluing Your Emotions. “It’s Not Ok for People to Treat Us Lousy Just Because We’re Related to Them, ” Friedman Adds.
You Change the Way You Act Around Them
Unless You’re Super Close with Your Sibling, You Probably Only Show Them a Certain Tailored Side of You. Who You Are with Them Might Not Be the Exact Person You Are with Your Bff or When You’re Alone, and That’s Ok. but That’s Completely Different Than If You’re Constantly Adjusting Every Decision, Behavior, and Emotion Around Them. “This Is a Form of Learned Relational Defense, ” Higgins Explains. “Often to Protect You by Seeking Control over Outcome. When We Learn to Adjust Ourselves Around Someone Else's Intrusive Ways, It Begins a Pattern of Needing External Validation to Be Ok. You Begin to Need Others' Approval and Feel More Responsible for Others' Feelings and Choices Because You're Overworking to Avoid Conflict or a Negative Response. ”
They Prey on Your Weaknesses
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They Demand You Act a Certain Way
“I've Had Clients Who Have Had Intrusive and Abusive Parents and Whose Siblings Have Learned to ‘Carry the Torch Forward, ’ So to Speak, in Demanding That the Client Continue to Do Certain Things, ” Says Higgins. the Whole Toxic Dynamic Is Continued On, and the Sibling Will Try to Enforce Certain “Rules” or Expectations of You. “For Example, ” Offers Higgins, “Feeling Obligation to Pay for Things for Your Sibling Because They're Younger or Feeling That You're Supposed to Minimize Your Success in Life So as to Not Hurt Your Siblings Feelings About Themselves. ”
They’re Hypocritical
You Can Do No Right, While They Can Do No Wrong. “Rules Don’t Apply to Them, ” Says Chlipala. “Where They Hold You Accountable, They Give Themselves a Free Pass. ” There’s Always an Excuse or a Reason Why Your Situations Are Different or Why They’re Not in the Wrong — Even If You Both Took the Same Action or Made the Same Mistake. “They Minimize Your Feelings but Give Themselves the Space to Process Theirs, or Expect You to Show Empathy for What They’re Going Through but Don’t Acknowledge Your Feelings, ” Chlipala Tells Bustle.
